Today my son had a tantrum. You know like every toddler and like everyday. This is the following conversation that took place with my self and with my son simultaneously:
“Caspian you don’t need to have a tantrum about this” *I guess I should count him instead of reasoning with him. Its not like he is going to say “Oh golly mom your right!”*
“Caspian I’m sorry your disappointed” *I want to have empathy for him*
“One.” *He is yelling louder. Should I just take him straight to time out?*
“Do you want to go to your room?” *Like he is going to say yes you idiot…Should I do a time in? Isn’t that where I just hug him and tell him I love him when he is naughty? Ok he is just yelling louder and stomping.*
“Two” * In the 123 magic book it says to not reason with them. Maybe I have not given enough choices today. Love and logic says give choices… and reason?*
(Toddler picks up toy to throw at 5 mos old)
“Don’t even think about it!” *Should I spank him if he hits? It doesn’t make sense to hit him for hitting someone else*
(Toddler throws toy at 5 mos old)
“THREE!!!” *There is no way on earth he should have a time in for hitting his brother*
(Picks toddler up and puts in room for time out.)
All the while still second guessing my self about my discipline methods. This happens in my house EVERY. SINGLE. DAY.
The reason I decided to share this story is because of a video I watched a few days ago from prageru. Here it is for some context.
I read the comments. Always a mistake. The guy in this video is a child physiologist and an author. Everything in this video is EXACTLY how my mom raised me. She did a pretty good job. I am not emotionally scarred and I am a functioning, contributing human in society. Yet the comment section was filled with people basically saying that this guy did not know what he was talking about. If the professional (according to the people in the comments) doesn’t know anything about kids and discipline how can these people be so confident in their chosen methods… and more importantly… WHAT THE ACTUAL H E *DOUBLE HOCKEY STICK AM I SUPPOSED TO DO???
But for real this is a serious question that I wrestle with everyday. I have read 3 different parenting books, watch these kind of videos that come up on my social media feeds and read the comments. Everyone claims there method works and that it is best. Some times I find myself going through several different techniques a day. But that is bad because its not consistent (or so I have heard). It literally doesn’t matter how many time outs, promised rewards, toys taken away or scoldings he gets. Sometimes he does the same naughty thing 12 million times in 37 seconds.
Its not like I hadn’t picked a parenting method before I had kids. I was not planning on winging discipline. I was the perfect parent before I had kids…
To be honest, I like what this professional had to say in this video. I don’t know if it was because it seemed easier to me then what I am currently doing or if it seemed familiar because its how my mom raised me. So I did what most 27 year old moms do. I called my mom (I swear my mom is like the smartest person in the universe). I told her my woes and struggles. And like most moms she had sound and wise advice. She told me that the “professionals sort of know your kid, the people in the comments know nothing about your kid and you are the professional when it comes to your kid. There are different methods. Some work well, some work for some kids and some are just stupid. Only you know what will work for your kid and its ok to spend some time figuring it out.”
I will say this. I know for sure that my attitude and demeanor affects my sons behavior. When I am cheerful, calm, patient,kind and engaging with him we are much more likely to have a successful day. If I am short, irritated and focused on what I want to do… oh boy… its world war 3 in my house until I check my attitude. And cookies. Cookies make everything better always.
I guess I have no real profound conclusion to this post. More of an open diary on the struggles of a mom with young kids. I hope it encourage someone else who is wondering where the heck is the manual on parenting. Your not alone. 🙂
Get a drink (coffee, wine, chocolate milk whatever) put your feet up and know that you are are the professional with your kid.